I Gave You My Heart
by kathryn ashworth
Summary: Niles reflefcects on the Snow Ball


I own nothing so please don't sue

I Gave You My Heart

Niles smiled to himself as he looked at his beautiful wife who was asleep on his chest, he thought back to all the times he wished this could happen. Looking at the picture of them at the Snow Ball 10 years ago his mind drifted back to that night, the night he felt that his life was not worth carrying on, when he gave her his heart on a plate and she rejected him.

10 Years Before

To cheer himself up and to take his mind off the fact that Maris was pictured with another man, Martin had suggested that Niles get out and move on rather than sit around the house feeling sorry for himself. As luck would have it Niles met Marjorie Nash, a yoghurt heiress, in the spirit of trying new things and getting his mind off Maris he invited her to the Snow Ball. Unfortunately when he went round to Frasiers' apartment to brag that he had a date, the conversation soon turned to the subject of dancing when he announced where he was taking Marjorie, unfortunately he couldn't dance, which was never a problem when he was with Maris as a dislike for pubic displays of rhythm meant that he was never required to dance. Daphne offered to give him dancing lessons he could do nothing but accept, when would a chance to be this close to Daphne come up again.

Not only was Maris being pictured with an almost endless parade of dates, but the first woman he had plucked up the courage to ask out, Marjorie, had now rejected him. As Martin pointed out he wouldn't need the dancing lessons from Daphne anymore either, "why must everything go wrong for me" he thought to himself. The next day in Cafe Nervosa he conjured up the courage to tell Daphne he didn't need the lessons anymore, she invited herself along, how he dreamed of this moment, he was going on a date with her, the woman who inhabited his every waking thought for the past three years, even the "you're sticking a fork in the toaster" speech from Martin couldn't dampen the mood. He would just have to be careful and keep the conversation away from the subject of Maris. He knew that he would go too far and say that he is glad the marriage is over because he has been in love with another woman for three years and that she is the other woman.

As the date of the ball drew closer and the dancing lessons continued Niles could barely contain his excitement, and the fact that he was spending so much time being that close to Daphne made it even better. Even his patients commented that he seemed to be perkier than he had for a while.

On the evening of the ball he was a nervous wreck, of course the two cups of tea he had hoped would calm his nerves did nothing of the sort. Little did he know that on the other side of the apartment Daphne was dressing in a stunning red gown, coming out of her room and babbling to Martin about nothing in particular, she was distracted by the sound of the door opening and in walked Frasier who seemed more than a little surprised by the sight of his father's physical therapist in a red gown and on her way out. Niles rang the doorbell and was greeted by Daphne, he was so stunned that he could do nothing but say what a beautiful dress it was and guide her towards the car.

When they arrived at the ball Niles hoped that he would bump into Maris so that he could show Daphne off. Daphne was stunned as they entered the hall where the dance was being held. "Just for tonight could you call me Niles" he asked, it felt so great to hear her call him by his first name rather than the formality of Dr Crane. He giggled to himself at the memory of her calling him Niley, the only other person who called him that was a girl in kindergarten who then proceeded to follow him round for three days. As he went to get some champagne for the two them he was approached by some friends of Maris, Andrew and Lacey, who after what felt like an hour of fake sympathy were interrupted by Daphne taking Niles off to dance. "They weren't very nice" commented Daphne as Niles passed her the glass. To break him out of his bad mood caused by talking to Andrew and Lacey she suggested that they take to the dancefloor, the way she did it made him even more anxious that he was going to reveal his secret "Now take me in your arms Niles and let the music carry us away" he wanted to carry her away but not with the music, but with his own arms and back to his room. Unfortunately as they got on the floor the band leader announced that they would be taking a 10 minute break.

Later in the evening after dancing what seemed like forever, they sat down at a table, when the band struck up a tango. She told him that it was a passionate dance and that it was perfect for him, she was the only one who could see through his stuffy and pretentious image and could see that there was a passionate and loving man underneath if only he met the right person to unlock that side of him, unfortunately she couldn't see that it was her who could unlock it. The fact that she said that their bodies must remain in continuous contact filled him with both desire and trepidation what if his feelings overcame him and became obvious as it were. "Telling her that I adored her and that she was a goddess was not my plan for the evening but when she reciprocated my words I was so happy" he thought to himself.

Thankfully he managed to control himself even when her head was in an area that he would be deliriously happy it was if they were in somewhere other than at the ball. To add to the torture they shared a passionate kiss which he hoped would be the first of many, unfortunately that dream was crushed when he got back to the table. Then she said the words that crushed my heart that I had offered to her mere moments ago "I knew you were a good dancer but I never knew you were such a good actor" she thought that I was carried along by the passion of the dance. She didn't feel the same way as I had so hoped. We left soon after and I was glad to get home before I embarrassed myself further.

The next day was torture, I was going to the symphony with Frasier and seeing her in the apartment, perfect as ever, made the crushing rejection of the previous evening seem more painful than ever, like pouring salt into an open wound.

Naturally I told Frasier what had happened at the ball and in his inimitable way, possibly thanks to his "pop psychiatry" told me that she clearly didn't reciprocate my feelings and to get over her. My protestations that she was the love of my life were met with disdain, and suggestions that it is an infatuation due to my unhappy marriage. Why can't he see that she makes me happy, I thought in frustration.

The next few days were hell, everywhere I went I was reminded of her, from seeing a soccer match in the window of an electrical store to buying beans at Cafe Nervosa she inhabited my thoughts more than ever. This was the only time I have ever thought of ending it all, my wife had left me, the love of my life rejected me, what else did I have to live for? But the thought of her stopped me from ending it all.

Little did I know that four years later she would abandon her fiancée ate the altar for me and all thanks to my brother, the man whose advice I dismissed on so many occasions, and a bottle of strong painkillers finally brought us together, for which I am forever in his debt.

Please R&R


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